Infant sleep tips & how parents can sleep more “like a baby”
I admit it. I was duped by the false advertising of the phrase “sleeps like a baby.” Before I had kids, I assumed a baby’s sleep was like an adult’s best night of sleep: you went to bed when you were drowsy, slept through the night, and woke up rested.
In less time than it takes to click “publish” on this blog, I remembered the more unsavory aspects of adult sleep: waking up in the middle of the night because you’re too hot, you have to pee, you’re hungry, or for some reason, you’re thinking through your next adulting “to do list” item at 3 am.
Before I had kids, I wish I had managed my own expectations about infant sleep, gotten some realistic advice about how to “set the stage” for my baby’s sleep, and gotten more hands-on support from a postpartum doula when I was exhausted.
First, let’s manage your expectations. Here is some real talk and tips about infant sleep:
#1 Sleep Cycles: Infant sleep cycles are about 40 minutes, whereas adult sleep cycles are 90 - 100 minutes. One sleep cycle contains both active and quiet sleep. You may see your infant start to wake up at the 35-40 minute mark. They may need help resettling after each cycle. Babies typically start to "connect" a 40-minute sleep cycle after about 6 months from their due date.
#2 Safe Sleep: Whether baby sleeps in a nursery or in your room (room sharing), be sure to follow safe sleep guidelines, which include:
Putting baby to sleep on their back, on a firm surface, with no loose fabric, toys, blankets, and never on a sofa, couch or armchair. This means they should not be asleep in the uber-popular Dock A Tot. As of November 2022, the Dock a Tot is no longer safe for sleep, according to Consumer Protection Safety. Crib bumpers are cute but they’re dangerous. Instead of loose blankets, try a sleep sack. There are a ton of great options like the Halo swaddle or the Love to Dream swaddle. WIth the Love to Dream swaddle, babies can still put hands in their mouth. The swaddle still provides enough comforting containment to avoid turning on the baby’s startle reflex and waking them up easily.
Infants should sleep on flat – not inclined - surface during sleep. Sitting devices, such as car seats, strollers, swings, infant carriers, and infant slings, are not recommended for routine sleep in the hospital or at home, particularly for infants younger than 4 months.
Parents sleep in the same room – but not in the same bed as a baby, preferably for at least the first 6 months.
Pacifier use is associated with reducing sleep-related infant death
Avoid overheating and covering the infant’s head. Babies shouldn't wear hats indoors after they leave the hospital (2022 update to AAP guidelines).
If a breast/chestfeeding parent brings the infant to the adult bed for nursing, the infant should be returned to a separate sleep surface when the parent is ready for sleep
Wearable monitors that claim to reduce the risk of SIDS (i.e. Owlet) should be avoided. A product will never be a replacement for safe sleep practices.
#3 Active Sleep and the Brain: Each infant sleep cycle contains "active" and "quiet" sleep. Infants spend 75% of their sleep in active sleep. During active sleep, newborns move around a lot, make noises and can be easily woken. Newborns sleep about 16 hours in a 24-hour period. This means lots of short stints of sleep. Even though this is taxing for parents, it is normal and is beneficial for baby’s brain development.
#4 Sleeping Through the Night: Sleeping “through the night” for infants is described as 6-8 hours, and this is not typical before 3 months. Infants typically need to eat every 2 to 4 hours, 8-12 times in a 24 hour period. Therefore, it is normal for infants under 2 months old to wake 3-4 times a night. 1-2 feedings is normal for up to 9 months. I know, this is an exhausting time for parents. Keep reading for ways to get some hands-on support.
#5 Noisy Sleepers: Babies spend 75% of their sleep in "active" sleep. They may squeak, grunt, whimper and slam their legs around. When your baby makes noise, especially at night, first look to see if their eyes are open. Are they awake? Working out something in their digestive system? Or are they "actively" sleeping?
Helping set the stage for my baby’s sleep
Babies respond to being awake too long just like adults. Our bodies get stressed, we get a surge of cortisol, and it makes it even more challenging to fall asleep.
When your baby shows EARLY SIGNS of being tired, but not overtired, you should begin to get your baby ready for nap or bedtime. The transition from a baby’s “alert” to the “alert but fussy” stage can be subtle and quick. EARLY SIGNS of tiredness include:
looking away
looking through you/zoning out
sucking more slowly
redness around the eyes
droopy eyelids
If a baby stops making eye contact and begins to look away, it’s totally fine to let them disengage. They may be getting overstimulated and need a break. It’s a fine line between that cute alert phase and the “alert and fussy and overtired” phase. It’s easy to miss those early sleep cues if you’re not looking for them. LATE SIGNS of tiredness (being overtired) include:
crying uncontrollably
flailing arms and legs
fussing
making more jerky body movements
Being more easily startled
But wait? What do you do if your baby is OVERTIRED? It happens to the best of us. With an overtired baby, you can set the stage for sleep by...
Putting baby in the “reset position” (head at your heart, close to you)
Using pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp’s “5s for soothing babies” to mimic the sounds inside the womb and turn on the baby’s calming reflex, which is an “on-switch” for sleep. Research has shown that these tips work for adults as well as babies.
SWADDLE your baby
Hold baby in a SIDE-LYING position or along their STOMACH
SHUSH (using a noise machine or in baby's ear to match the sound of their crying)
SWING or SWAY with baby in gentle motions
SUCK (pacifier, finger, breast)
Lastly, you can help set the stage for sleep by starting a brief sleep routine. For example, use the same room for baby’s naps and nighttime sleep. When the baby shows early signs of tiredness, move into that room and start your routine. It doesn’t have to be long. Some parents change the diaper, sing a song, and then it’s bedtime. The consistency and routine will comfort you and your baby, especially as they get older. As they get older, you can add something to the routine like a quick read aloud.
How can I sleep? I want to sleep too. Here are some sleep tips for tired parents and ways to get more hands-on support:
✅ Hire a postpartum doula to help with your infant’s sleep and your sleep, whether it’s holding your baby while you nap, talking about sleep strategies, discussing feedings, or supporting with night-time care. Reach out to Boston Area Doulas: we offer 1 hour virtual consultations, 1-hour virtual doula support and in-person doula support in blocks of 4-10 hours at a time.
✅ Have your own (albeit brief) bedtime routine. Take even 5 minutes to unwind before bed with a warm bath, shower, or calming music.
✅ Avoid phones or screens...I know, I know. I watch Netflix as much as the next person, but when I listen to a podcast or a “sleep story” from the Calm app, I notice a huge difference in my sleep quality. Seriously, who wouldn't want Matthew McConaughey or Nick Offerman lulling you to sleep with their slow drawl and dead-pan narration?
✅ Keep your room cool. The best temperature for sleep is 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
✅ Create baby care and sleep shifts with your partner or family member. For example, one person goes to bed right after the baby and sleeps until the baby's first night feed.
✅ Check out Baby Sleep Science, which has up-to-date and evidence-based information for parents. They also have personalized sleep consultations.
Look at you, you’re already in a better position to help your baby sleep! You know more of what to expect and who to reach out to for support. Who knows? There’s a chance you may even “sleep like a baby” tonight.
For more help navigating the seismic shift into parenthood, reach out to the Boston Area Doulas team.
www.bostonareadoulas.com
